I would like to announce the official re-launch of my blog!
*Fanfare* *Applause* *Clapping* *Awkward leftover clapping*
My blog was previously without direction. It had no purpose, no clear theme (except for piratey stuff). But now, I'm happy to announce that my blog...
Remains without purpose.
What? You got a problem with that? Didn't THINK so! However, I am making the soon-to-be-broken promise that I will post more regularly. Twice a week, Saturdays and maybe Wednesdays, yeah let's go with Wednesday, I will be posting something spectacular and amazing. You will be blown away by my profound insight and exquisite tastes. You will burn with rage at my critical reviews only to crumple in embarrassment as you realize that I'm always right, especially about pirates being better than ninjas.
I will kick off my new blog with something we can all enjoy. Free games.
Today's Free Lunch: Battle for Wesnoth
My friend and I were discussing game ideas the other day and I was suddenly reminded of a game I had played before. Before I go any farther, I want to give credit where credit is due. My little brother Sam introduced me to this game after he discovered it online. Sam has horrible taste in console games, but I have to give him this: he finds the best free stuff on the web. As I was saying, Battle for Wesnoth in an Open-Source game that has a certain level of internet popularity.
Battle for Wesnoth plays very much like a miniatures board game. Players control an army of distinct fantasy units. These units move around on a hexagon tile board and then attack units that they are adjacent to.
There are several things I could relate this game to:
Advance Wars: Units are purchased with Gold which is earned by capturing certain tiles on the map. This allows for a somewhat constant stream of units to be produced.
Fire Emblem: All units automatically counter-attack their attackers, often for very effective results. Units are very specialized and level up after gaining enough experience.
Lord of the Rings: The thematic and 'story' elements of the game are very generic fantasy. Orcs, elves, knights and wizards all clash in the epic fantasy battles that take place.
One thing I'd like to note about Wesnoth is that it's riddled with terrible names. Wesnoth itself sounds like a horse sneezing or something. The first campaign features the adventures of Konrad (meh) and Delfador the wizard. They fight their way across the fantasy world to combat Ashivere the evil queen (I think I got that right). If you don't mind fantasy, then you'll be okay.
Overall, I found the game very entertaining. It would definitely make my top ten list of the best free games. I should make that sometime.
If you have suggestions for 'The Top Ten Best Free Games Ever', please leave your suggestion as a comment on this post. Games must be legally free and they must either still be distributed on the web or you must have a copy that I can share with everyone else.
Until next time fellow pirates.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Dylan and Dracula
My friend and I were talking about my hair earlier today. Someone once told me that my hair looked like a famous somebody's hair and I couldn't remember who they had mentioned. Well, I remembered.
Bob Dylan's hair:
Also, I was recently stuck on Castlevania, but I found out that it was because I was trying to get into a secret area of the game, not the place I was supposed to go. So, I'm back on track now.
Dracula's Castle:
Bob Dylan's hair:
Also, I was recently stuck on Castlevania, but I found out that it was because I was trying to get into a secret area of the game, not the place I was supposed to go. So, I'm back on track now.
Dracula's Castle:
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Freebies For Friday
It's not Friday so I can't call it "Freebie Friday" but I wanted to post now. I visit many sites on the internet for fun and profit, but Kongregate is one of the most professional sites I've found for playing Flash games. I used to use freearcade.com and get freeware from gamehippo, but they aren't as good as they used to be.
Here's some selections you should really give a shot.
Epic Battle Fantasy II
Linear as FF XIII, but far more entertaining. (I'm just playing, calm down)
You should play 'Epic Battle Fantasy I' as well, not because the story matters, but because they have Kanti from FLCL as a summon.

The Space Game
Better than Turret Defense
Minim
Sudoku on crack!
That's all I got for today folks. Btw, those of you who know me, should be alerted to the fact that I have ruined my phone, and I am currently in the process of getting it replaced. I have a temporary replacement phone right now, but I'd rather not give away the number. If you need me, I'm on AIM, like, all the time, also Yahoo, and I get instant updates when I get email. In other words, find me on the internet, it's not that hard.
Until next time fellow pirates.
Here's some selections you should really give a shot.
Epic Battle Fantasy II
Linear as FF XIII, but far more entertaining. (I'm just playing, calm down)
You should play 'Epic Battle Fantasy I' as well, not because the story matters, but because they have Kanti from FLCL as a summon.

The Space Game
Better than Turret Defense
Minim
Sudoku on crack!
That's all I got for today folks. Btw, those of you who know me, should be alerted to the fact that I have ruined my phone, and I am currently in the process of getting it replaced. I have a temporary replacement phone right now, but I'd rather not give away the number. If you need me, I'm on AIM, like, all the time, also Yahoo, and I get instant updates when I get email. In other words, find me on the internet, it's not that hard.
Until next time fellow pirates.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Cave Story
I know I'm about 6 years late to the party, but I'm hear to spread the word. Cave Story...
Best Freeware Game Ever
Take a platformer like Mario, a scrolling shooter like Contra, an RPG like Earthbound, and an anime to top it off, shake well and serve. Cave Story is a Metroid-esque platformer for PC that is "Free" thas right, free. It has:
*Engaging plot
*Beautiful pixel-based artwork
*Wide array of weapons
*Several very expansive levels to explore
*Challenging boss fights
*Multiple Endings and dozens of secrets
*Did I mention it was kawaii? (Cuz I was trying to avoid saying it)
I know I may seem a little overzealous here, but don't knock it til you try it, cuz hey, it's free!
Get it here, get it NOW! Get the Deluxe Version, it doesn't cost more, it's all free!
I would also recommend using a PC Gamepad of some kind, I haven't tried the keyboard keys, but I imagine it's gotta be harder to work with.
PS, it came out for the Wii recently as well, may or may not be free there. If I had a Wii, and it cost less than five dollars, I'd buy it. Otherwise just go online and get it... FREE.
Best Freeware Game Ever
Take a platformer like Mario, a scrolling shooter like Contra, an RPG like Earthbound, and an anime to top it off, shake well and serve. Cave Story is a Metroid-esque platformer for PC that is "Free" thas right, free. It has:
*Engaging plot
*Beautiful pixel-based artwork
*Wide array of weapons
*Several very expansive levels to explore
*Challenging boss fights
*Multiple Endings and dozens of secrets
*Did I mention it was kawaii? (Cuz I was trying to avoid saying it)
I know I may seem a little overzealous here, but don't knock it til you try it, cuz hey, it's free!
Get it here, get it NOW! Get the Deluxe Version, it doesn't cost more, it's all free!
I would also recommend using a PC Gamepad of some kind, I haven't tried the keyboard keys, but I imagine it's gotta be harder to work with.
PS, it came out for the Wii recently as well, may or may not be free there. If I had a Wii, and it cost less than five dollars, I'd buy it. Otherwise just go online and get it... FREE.
Friday, March 26, 2010
No More Heroes?
I watched the entirety of Heroes: Season 1 and despite an ending that I felt was a bit of a plot-hole, it was a really good show. Before starting Season 2, I searched the internet for reviews of the show. Everywhere I looked I found the same thing, "Season 2 and after sucks," "Great show that went downhill at Season 2" I even found one review that likened Season 2 Hiro Nakamura to Jar Jar Binks! Well, I was stubborn and watched it anyway, but I'm glad I did.
To get to the point...
Reviews of Season 2's failure are GREATLY exaggerated. I found Season 2 to be just as entertaining and compelling as Season 1. I now intend to continue following the series to find out whether or not the rest of the series is just as badly framed. If you are a fan of Sci-Fi, Super-Heroes, or day-time drama, I encourage you to not only watch Season 1 of Heroes, but also Season 2.
Now certainly hundreds of reviews on the internet can't be wrong, right? Well, I'll leave that to you, but I thought I'd give my theory on why I think it got such a bad rap. Heroes is a show that you CANNOT miss a single episode. The story is continuous, constantly changing and missing even a single episode can make things fail to make sense. Does it make it a bad show? No. Does it make it a bad show to watch on TV? Definitely. If you want to watch Heroes (and I know you do...) I would advise watching on DVD, on Netflix Instant Watch, on NBC.com or whereever you can get access to each episode, in order.
Also, start at Season 1 because the story is continuous between Seasons as well.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Only the Good Die Young
This is a list of under-appreciated shows that got canceled before their time. I will add to this list later when I think of more. Comment on this entry if you have suggestions.
The Good:
The Weekenders
Lloyd in Space
Megas XLR
The Pirates of Dark Water
The Good:
The Weekenders
Lloyd in Space
Megas XLR
The Pirates of Dark Water
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Dice and Dimes
Every Dungeons and Dragons player knows that a full set of polyhedral dice is crucial to RPG gameplay. If you don't have a d20, then just forget about it. The other day, I came up with a system for substituting polyhedral dice. Now I'm here to share my incredible wisdom with you commoners.
Poor Man's Polyhedral Dice
You need:
a nickel, a dime, and one common die (d6).
Instructions:
d4: Flip nickel, heads add 2, tails add 1. Flip dime, heads add 2.
d6: use d6
d8: Flip nickel, heads add 2, tails add 1. Flip dime, heads add 2. Roll die, "Even" add 4.
d10: Roll die add result (re-roll on 6). Flip nickel, heads add 5. (1-10, for 0-9 subtract 1 or count 10 as 0)
d12: Roll die add result. Flip nickel, heads add 6.
d20: Roll die add result (re-roll on 6). Flip nickel, heads add 5. Flip dime, heads add 10.
btw, I'm back from Spring Break. I hope to post more often again.
Until next time fellow pirates.
Poor Man's Polyhedral Dice
You need:
a nickel, a dime, and one common die (d6).
Instructions:
d4: Flip nickel, heads add 2, tails add 1. Flip dime, heads add 2.
d6: use d6
d8: Flip nickel, heads add 2, tails add 1. Flip dime, heads add 2. Roll die, "Even" add 4.
d10: Roll die add result (re-roll on 6). Flip nickel, heads add 5. (1-10, for 0-9 subtract 1 or count 10 as 0)
d12: Roll die add result. Flip nickel, heads add 6.
d20: Roll die add result (re-roll on 6). Flip nickel, heads add 5. Flip dime, heads add 10.
btw, I'm back from Spring Break. I hope to post more often again.
Until next time fellow pirates.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Vampires That Don't Sparkle
I have two related recommendations today...
Blood: The Last Vampire is a dark, action packed anime movie. If you watch it first, it may leave you wanting more. The reason for that is because it has an anime series that is meant to follow it. I watched this movie after having seen the first season of the series and I don't really think it matters what order you watch it in.
The theme and artwork in this movie are really the highlights. The story is not very complicated, but not very obtrusive. Overall a great vampire movie.
Blood+
The series that follows this movie is also very good. However, the themes and styles are very different. The anime is much more upbeat and 'shoujo' with vampires flash stepping and showing off their power levels. However, I thought they did a good job keeping the story going at the same time. The first season of Blood+ is much like the first season of Bleach. I hope that doesn't mean that it also follows the same trend Bleach did later on.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Movies to Avoid: A Scanner Darkly
I'll admit, the cel-shaded animation drew me into this movie, along with the creepy title. However, I was quite disappointed. This movie about drugs, society, and conspiracies seemed like it was made for druggies. The plot was hard to follow and in the end, not very interesting. The animation was not used for anything more than cartooning people walking to work and stuff. Overall, not worth the time spent watching it even.
This movie was based on a, probably far superior, novel by Phillip K. Dick. I recently read a book by this author and it was good, but I don't think this book translated very well. Either that or the book stunk.
Once more and with feeling... This movie is not even worth Pirating.
That's all mateys.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Myth-Weavers
This review is technically a follow-up since I posted about this site before.
I would like to recommend this site for what it is. This is the most active play-by-post role-playing game community I have ever found. That's a mouthful so let me break it down.
Role-Playing Game Community
I'm not talking about Final Fantasy. I'm talking Dungeons and Dragons. It's not just limited to DnD though. I've seen plenty of Exalted, GURPS, BESM, and many other role-playing systems represented. Don't want to buy a book? I've also seen several free-form (discussed later) and homemade, or "homebrew" as gamers call it, systems represented as well.
Play-by-Post
Myth-Weavers provides an exstensive and very functional forum in which players discuss things and play games. Every game set-up through their system receives its own personal forum moderated by the GM. However, Myth-Weavers rules prevents organizing games that are to be played through an alternative means of communication. In other words, all gaming has to be done on their site. They seem to enforce this rule as well as they can too. As I said though, their site is functional enough on its own to facilitate most gaming.
Most Active
This isn't saying much. Online RPGs, especially Play-by-Post, are prone to stagnating and dying. Some players, even if they say otherwise, don't have the patience to keep up with a game that only updates once a day or less.
HOWEVER, Myth-Weavers has the most professional and most active group of online RPGers that I have ever encountered.
In conclusion, if you are interested in playing a RPG online, I recommend that you try www.myth-weavers.com It's free, it's easy, and it works.
-End Myth-Weavers Review-
Note: Freeform Role-Playing Games
I would like to 'advertise' the enjoyable style of gaming called Freeform RPGs. Freeform RPGs goes back to the roots of story-telling. It's like writing a novel together. The process is simple. The GM will have a setting prepared. Players will design appropriate characters based on the setting. The GM will then give players scenarios and the players will then explain what their character will do. GM will respond with reactions from NPCs and the environment and present more scenarios. Essentially, it's DnD without a book, dice, or stats of any kind.
Freeform RPing is well catered to Play by Post. In fact, I would imagine that it would be much more awkward in person. Freeform removes the game system that would be cumbersome to PbP, but requires more thought in order to act as your characters would.
Much like Myth-Weavers, Freeform gaming is free, easy, and it works.
Until next time fellow pirates.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
RSS Feeds
Sometimes I feel like I'm the last person to figure things out, but in case I'm not... I like to tell you about the wonders of RSS Feeds. Do you read webcomics? Do you read LOTS of webcomics? Do you wish you could read lots of webcomics, but don't have the time to keep up with which ones updated and which ones haven't? You need to get a RSS Feed Reader. I chose Google Reader, corporate whore that I am, but there are plenty of options for you to choose from and most of them are free.
Will it work with my webcomic?
Yes it will. I think. From what I've seen, it seems that almost any website can be RSS'd. You just hit 'Add Subscription' on your reader and type in a URL. That easy. I even follow my friends blogs, Bengineering and Sixty's Blog on it.
Get an RSS Feed Reader today, or yesterday preferrably.
Until next time fellow pirates.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Dead Like Me
Dead Like Me
When George Lass (Ellen Muth) is hit by a space station's toilet seat falling from orbit, she dies. After dying, she is chosen to become a grim reaper. George is lazy, has a bad attitude, and dropped out of college, so even in the after-life she finds herself stuck as a temp, filing paperwork and taking people's souls.
This show is funny, dramatic, and very down to Earth without being boring. I thought all the characters were done really well, although some of them I liked to hate rather than liked them period. This is another show I wouldn't recommend to younger audiences as the profanity in this show is through the roof. It sounds more like me and my college buddies getting together than a daytime television show.
When George Lass (Ellen Muth) is hit by a space station's toilet seat falling from orbit, she dies. After dying, she is chosen to become a grim reaper. George is lazy, has a bad attitude, and dropped out of college, so even in the after-life she finds herself stuck as a temp, filing paperwork and taking people's souls.
This show is funny, dramatic, and very down to Earth without being boring. I thought all the characters were done really well, although some of them I liked to hate rather than liked them period. This is another show I wouldn't recommend to younger audiences as the profanity in this show is through the roof. It sounds more like me and my college buddies getting together than a daytime television show.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Perfect Blue
Perfect Blue
This mystery/thriller anime movie should go to the top of your must-see anime list. Lead singer and pop idol, Mimarin of Cham undergoes a career change becoming an actress. Her acting career takes her image down a less respectable path with scandalous TV scenes, revealing photography, and other celebrity mishaps. An obsessed fan becomes very upset at Mima's new activities and things begin going wrong very quickly.
This anime is mature, definitely R-rated because some scenes don't leave much to the imagination. But if you're looking for an anime movie with a little more substance than Bleach or Naruto, I would definitely recommend this. It kept me guessing the whole time and I didn't see the ending coming at all. You can watch it instantly on Netflix, but if you are lacking in the 'Flix then you're on your own.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Heroes Season 1
I just finished watching this and I must say something about it.
Season 1 of Heroes was a great show, I recommend watching it. I even cried once, and I don't usually get emotional about shows. However, there is a large plot hole at the end of the season. It makes me imagine what season 2 must be like since I've heard horrible reviews of it. I'd like to post it here.
Spoilers:
Peter Petrelli can absorb other peoples super-powers and he spends several episodes learning to control them at will. Now there is one power he absorbs that he cannot control. An ability to explode like a nuclear bomb. It's a central plot of the show. Now he has to be prevented from destroying New York. In order to do that, they have his brother Nathan Petrelli who can fly lift him above the city, but he is destroyed by the blast. Peter is not destroyed because he has regenerative powers.
This all seems kinda lame in general, but the real kicker is Peter can fly. He absorbed his brothers power earlier and can use it at will. So why does he need his brother to fly him above the city and be destroyed? Heroes is very thematic with an engaging plot, but I think the writers overlooked several important details in the show.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Legend: Ben's legend section logo stinks.
Legend has it that Ben desperately needs a cooler logo for his VGLegends section. His logo looks like it was made in paint... by a middleschooler. But he doesn't need to worry, I'm here to contribute a little something to his style.
Final Answer: TRUE
Sorry for not posting lately, my muse is gone. I haven't found the craving to write about anything lately. I'll try and get back on it soon.
Legend has it that Ben desperately needs a cooler logo for his VGLegends section. His logo looks like it was made in paint... by a middleschooler. But he doesn't need to worry, I'm here to contribute a little something to his style.
Final Answer: TRUE
Sorry for not posting lately, my muse is gone. I haven't found the craving to write about anything lately. I'll try and get back on it soon.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Freebie Fun
Back on Earth...
In ongoing campaign to rip everything off of Ben's Bengineering blog, I have decided to add a new segment today.
Today's Freebie is Phage Wars 2
Phage Wars 2 by the prolific game developer Armor games is a real-time strategy game. I say 'strategy' hesitantly. While the game is very engaging, I wouldn't exactly call it thought provoking and once you get the knack of it, it's more of a click-fest than anything else. None the less, the game is fun and addicting.
The idea is that you are a scientist who somehow controls the spread of a virus within his lab environment. You are trying to design the perfect virus. How do you design the perfect virus? Why by beating all of the levels, I mean experiments.
As you see here, each level contains several 'cells'. You can move your virus by clicking on the cell to move from and the cell to move to. The idea is to spread out and occupy more cells than your opponent. Once you own all the cells you win the level.
When you beat a level you earn a bonus that you can add to your virus by 'sequencing' its dna. The system is very simple and the bonuses you earn make the game very easy.
My recommendations?
One, Play Phage Wars 2, it's fun.
Two, Don't waste too much time reading the readme, it's not as complicated as they want you to think it is.
Three, drink some sweet tea, you know you want to.
btw, if you liked my background, check out the webcomic, The Next Adventure
In ongoing campaign to rip everything off of Ben's Bengineering blog, I have decided to add a new segment today.
Today's Freebie is Phage Wars 2
Phage Wars 2 by the prolific game developer Armor games is a real-time strategy game. I say 'strategy' hesitantly. While the game is very engaging, I wouldn't exactly call it thought provoking and once you get the knack of it, it's more of a click-fest than anything else. None the less, the game is fun and addicting.
The idea is that you are a scientist who somehow controls the spread of a virus within his lab environment. You are trying to design the perfect virus. How do you design the perfect virus? Why by beating all of the levels, I mean experiments.
As you see here, each level contains several 'cells'. You can move your virus by clicking on the cell to move from and the cell to move to. The idea is to spread out and occupy more cells than your opponent. Once you own all the cells you win the level.
When you beat a level you earn a bonus that you can add to your virus by 'sequencing' its dna. The system is very simple and the bonuses you earn make the game very easy.
My recommendations?
One, Play Phage Wars 2, it's fun.
Two, Don't waste too much time reading the readme, it's not as complicated as they want you to think it is.
Three, drink some sweet tea, you know you want to.
btw, if you liked my background, check out the webcomic, The Next Adventure
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Sake on Tap
Back on the distant planet Reeva...
Arriving on the planet Reeva, we began our search for a cure to a terminal disease in the most logical location: a bar.
So, a pirate and three girls with multicolor hair walk into a bar. I forget the punchline, but we sat down and I quickly started to feel uncomfortable. I couldn't figure out why. It wasn't my guests they were easy on the eyes to say the least. It was the crowd at the bar. They all looked vaguely Asian, but that wouldn't have bothered me. They were all wearing darker clothes. It was normal looking attire, but it was blacks, dark reds, and blues. Mostly black clothes.
Our waitress came up wearing a kimono-like dress.
"You're not a pirate are you?"
"Ha, ha, heh, nonono no. Not me, I'm just a friendly merchant." I did not want to be found out that I was a pirate. Normally I didn't care if people knew or not, but something was incredibly wrong here.
Ash turned to me, "So Captain Bob Citrsk. Going to buy us girls a drink?"
I had managed to get access to my bank account. I think I understand who stole my identity a few years ago to take money out of my account. It was me, but that's all the better. The less paradoxes I create the better off I'll be. I still didn't want to pay for three girls drinks though. That's a lot of money! What was I gonna do though, say no?
"Of course, I can't hardly say no to you Ash."
"Not if you want a ride back to Kattox, that's for sure." Ash said with a wink.
I continued looking around the room. I noticed how observant and focus all the customers were, even if they were doing something else. There was something wrong here and I still couldn't put my finger on it.
Then I saw one of the customers reading a newspaper with one hand and in the other hand he was fiddling with... a shuriken.
The waitress came back.
"The manager has asked that you not return to this bar. You can stay for today, but this is a ninja-only bar and civillians aren't typically invited."
Great. Surrounded by ninjas. I needed to get out of here, it wouldn't be long before one of these ninjas smelled my pirate-ness or however they tell. They can always tell. I was about to ask the girls to get out of dodge with me, but all of a sudden the show started.
"Hello ninjas and ninjettes. My name's Mitarashi and are you ready to rock!"
Might as well stay for the show I suppose, we had already ordered drinks after all. I decided to ask our friendly waitress for info.
"We're looking for someone who knows how to heal Ask Reeves. You know anyone?"
"Well, Otto might be able to help you. He knows healing jutsu, but you'll have to ask Mitarashi."
"The girl on stage?"
"No, the one on the moon." The waitress rolled her eyes in exasperation.
As the waitress walked off, she began mimicking me.
"Naw, no I'm not a pirate, durh."
Arriving on the planet Reeva, we began our search for a cure to a terminal disease in the most logical location: a bar.
So, a pirate and three girls with multicolor hair walk into a bar. I forget the punchline, but we sat down and I quickly started to feel uncomfortable. I couldn't figure out why. It wasn't my guests they were easy on the eyes to say the least. It was the crowd at the bar. They all looked vaguely Asian, but that wouldn't have bothered me. They were all wearing darker clothes. It was normal looking attire, but it was blacks, dark reds, and blues. Mostly black clothes.
Our waitress came up wearing a kimono-like dress.
"You're not a pirate are you?"
"Ha, ha, heh, nonono no. Not me, I'm just a friendly merchant." I did not want to be found out that I was a pirate. Normally I didn't care if people knew or not, but something was incredibly wrong here.
Ash turned to me, "So Captain Bob Citrsk. Going to buy us girls a drink?"
I had managed to get access to my bank account. I think I understand who stole my identity a few years ago to take money out of my account. It was me, but that's all the better. The less paradoxes I create the better off I'll be. I still didn't want to pay for three girls drinks though. That's a lot of money! What was I gonna do though, say no?
"Of course, I can't hardly say no to you Ash."
"Not if you want a ride back to Kattox, that's for sure." Ash said with a wink.
I continued looking around the room. I noticed how observant and focus all the customers were, even if they were doing something else. There was something wrong here and I still couldn't put my finger on it.
Then I saw one of the customers reading a newspaper with one hand and in the other hand he was fiddling with... a shuriken.
The waitress came back.
"The manager has asked that you not return to this bar. You can stay for today, but this is a ninja-only bar and civillians aren't typically invited."
Great. Surrounded by ninjas. I needed to get out of here, it wouldn't be long before one of these ninjas smelled my pirate-ness or however they tell. They can always tell. I was about to ask the girls to get out of dodge with me, but all of a sudden the show started.
"Hello ninjas and ninjettes. My name's Mitarashi and are you ready to rock!"
Might as well stay for the show I suppose, we had already ordered drinks after all. I decided to ask our friendly waitress for info.
"We're looking for someone who knows how to heal Ask Reeves. You know anyone?"
"Well, Otto might be able to help you. He knows healing jutsu, but you'll have to ask Mitarashi."
"The girl on stage?"
"No, the one on the moon." The waitress rolled her eyes in exasperation.
As the waitress walked off, she began mimicking me.
"Naw, no I'm not a pirate, durh."
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Final Fantasy VII Comprehensive Opinion
Back on Earth...
In-Depth Review of Final Fantasy VII
Warning: The following review is extremely opinionated. If you have a complaint and want to be a whiny little baby about it...
GET OVER IT!
Naw, I'm playin'. Critique is welcome; I'm used to da hate-ahs.
Final Fantasy 1+6
Final Fantasy VII, best game ever? No. I'm not here thrash the poor thing, but don't expect me to idolize its very existence. I do however, think this game deserves a more detailed review than just any other game. I will be discarding my out of 4 system temporarily to give this a detailed score out of 100.
Since everybody and their grandmother knows what's good about FF7, let me go over the negative points first.
...Con 1: Bad Visual Effects...
Mixed Perspective: (-8)
I'm talking about the literal visual perspective of the game. First off, hardly any two areas had the same perspective making the transitions between rooms disorienting. If it wasn't bad enough, many of the rooms were at such an odd angle that it was hard to tell whether you were moving up or down within the same room. Some of these areas almost made me naseous with how distorted everything seemed.
The disjointed rooms didn't add to the overall feeling of knowing what a place looks like either. I'd be just as lost playing this game a second time as I was the first time I played.
Poor Contrast: (-4)
Many of the areas in FF7 were dimly lit. I know they had an artist theme running, but when being artistic gets in the way of comprehending what you're seeing, you have a problem. Whenever I play dark games, I'll always turn the brightness up on my TV because frankly I find a lack of contrast hurts the game rather than adds to the effect. I tried with FF7, but it was more than just dimness. This game has poor contrast, period.
3D Graphics: (-6)
This game came out during a time when game developers were testing the waters of 3D graphics and games suffered for it. 3D graphics of this time were bad. I don't just mean bad by today's standards either, they were bad then. 3D graphics didn't look half as good as 2D graphics of the time, but since it was the "future of gaming" producers had to make their games 3D. FF7 is probably one of the best examples of this period of time. Since people usually complain about how judging this game on its 3D graphics isn't fair, let me make my point clear.
This game would've looked better with 2D sprites.
...Con 2: Boring Gameplay...
This isn't the most boring gameplay ever. In fact, I would say the gameplay is averagely exciting. Neither exciting, nor boring, but rather somewhere in between.
Random Battles: (-6)
Step, step, battle syndrome. This game has it as bad as the original FF. I loathe random battles. When you make them frequent, without purpose, and with repetitve enemies, it only makes it worse. Does this make FF7 a bad game? No. Aren't there other good games with random battles? Yes. So what's wrong with it? Nothing, but there's nothing right about it either: No improvement, innovation, or interest. It's old, tired, and lame.
Sensless Enemies: (-3)
This game is a serious game. I don't think many people would argue with me there. However, many of the enemies in this game were silly, whimsical, and most importantly out-of-place. Enemies hardly ever followed a theme, exceptions being Shinra soldiers in military facilities, and ice baddies on whatever that mountain was that you snowboarded down.
It created more of a rift between the real game, and the random battles. It made the random battles seem even more trivial and more of a chore when all you were doing is fighting pokemon and floating boxes.
Rediculous Optional Material: (-2)
Thank heavens the main game wasn't too hard. I'll get to the good stuff later though. The optional sidequests, optional bosses, and secret moves require so much tedious work that I can't see how anyone gets enjoyment from earning them. There are so many better things you can be doing with your life than getting Cloud to level 99 so that he can cast Knights of the Round three times in a row.
...Con 3: Bad Parts of Plot...
Being Convoluded: (-4)
The plot of this game was confusing, intricate but confusing. Many parts of the plot were conflicting but I have been lead to believe that this is on purpose and makes sense on analysis. However, I still think there are some pieces of the plot that are straight up conflicting, mostly dialog between Tifa and Cloud. I think the problem lies in two things: some parts of major plot are contained in sidequests and optional gameplay, and secondly the game never sets you down and tells you exactly what happened during the most confusing and conflicting parts.
Some people actually LIKE this fact. I can sort of understand why, but they are sick people with twisted senses of entertainment. Just teasing, but honestly I don't like the confusion and ambigiousness of the plot.
The Ending: (-2)
If you've seen the end of the game, then you know why this is here.
Cait Sith: (-5)
Red XIII was almost as bad, but Cait Sith bothers me more, I don't know why. Cait Sith walks up to the party and pretty much joins without reason or consent. Does this make sense to anyone? Cait Sith uses a megaphone as a weapon. He's a giant stuffed moogle with a cat on his head that you find out is secretly a robot. What is he doing in this game? He's not even a secret character, he's a main character! People who complain about how Goofy talks philosophy with Sora in Kingdom Hearts have no grounds to defend this part of FF7.
Now, after two pages of burning the ears off of Square fanboys, I will now highlight the good things about FF7
...Pro 1: Good Presentation Effects...
Visual Theme: (+12)
The techno-fantasy gloom and doom look of FF6, I mean FF7, was interesting and different from most RPGs to this point in time. The artwork was moody, enchanting, and very thematic. The characters were unique and easily recognizable. Their sprites suffered, but their face pictures and overall design was creative and enduring. I think the theme and design of this game inspired its predecessors more than any other aspect of the game, besides it sales numbers.
Music: (+15)
Best Final Fantasy music in the series. This games blend of Rock, Jazz, and Industrial was always on cue with the plot and catchy to boot. Though I didn't like the remix of the classic victory music. This was a small enough detail that it's not important though. The music in FF7, without a doubt, rocked.
FMV: (+10)
Though not impressive by today's standards, these FMVs were ahead of their time. In fact, I couldn't get the things to play right on my PS1, but when I threw the game into a PS2 they worked great. These cutscenes were ahead of their own system. Drowning, I mean burying Aeris after her instantly fatal stab in the gut was much more emotional in cutting-edge cinema and every guy can appreciate Tifa's torso growth in the scene at Northern Crater.
...Pro 2: Well-Designed Parts of Gameplay...
Materia System: (+10)
The materia system was one of the best RPG growth systems I've seen. It was customizable and interchangeable throughout the game. It kept everyone's unique character qualities while allowing you freedom of manipulating their battle styles. It was cool.
Mini-Games: (+15)
The best mini-games of any RPG I've ever played. I will admit willingly that FF7s mini-games were better than Chrono Trigger's. It's true. I'd rather play that motorcycle chase all day than play the main game. If other Final Fantasies had picked up on how well FF7 blended their mini-games into their plot, how they made them action oriented and fast paced, and how they made them replayable later in the game, then we'd have a lot more entertaining RPGs out there. This game didn't have any stupid card games, no underwater soccer, and it didn't have you running around slapping posters on walls. This had good mini-games that served as a refreshing break from the dull monotony of pressing the fight button.
Few other good parts: (+10 total)
- (+3) Active Time Battle made this game seem less turn based and more action packed.
- (+2) Epic Summon Sequences, though not as good the fiftieth time, were still really sweet.
- (+3) Limit Breaks were satisfying, useful, and had cool cutscenes
- (+2) the Roleplay was thought provoking at times, e.g. dressing Cloud as a girl, pretending to be a Shinra soldier, solving that impossible combination on the space shuttle. (only thing I regret not doing)
...Pro 3: Good Parts of the Story...
Sephiroth: (+15)
This game's villain was well developed. By the end of this game, I almost hated him myself. He was a constant part of the story, but you never fought him. This made you familiar with him, but it made it so you had no idea how powerful he was. He had a unique character design that makes fangirls drool over how gay he looks (never understand this) and had an absolutely epic theme song. I must say that the fight with Sephiroth in Kingdom Hearts spoiled me and I wasn't as impressed with the final battle as I thought I would be. However, if I had played FF7 first, it probably woulda been awesome.
Hojo: (+16)
This game's real villain was even more dasterdly. This guy's sick twisted schemes masterminded almost all the bad things that happened in the game. Sephiroth was dark, ominous, and crazy. Hojo was pure evil!
***Spoilers***
Aeris Dies: (+7)
This actually threw me for a loop. Not that I hadn't been told that she dies, but that I didn't realize how quickly in the game she dies. The attachment they build on Aeris is almost stronger than any of the other female characters and yet they kill her off relentlessly. It's awesome!
--Final Scoring--
Mixed Perspective: (-8)
Poor Contrast: (-4)
3D Graphics: (-6)
Random Battles: (-6)
Sensless Enemies: (-3)
Rediculous Optional Material: (-2)
Being Convoluded: (-4)
The Ending: (-2)
Cait Sith: (-5)
(-40)
Visual Theme: (+12)
Music: (+15)
FMV: (+10)
Materia System: (+10)
Mini-Games: (+15)
Few other good parts: (+10)
Sephiroth: (+15)
Hojo: (+16)
Aeris Dies: (+7)
(+110)
(70/100)
or
Final Fantasy VII gets a...
VII / X
In conclusion:
I.M.H.O.
FF7 is NOT the best game ever.
FF7 is NOT the best RPG ever.
FF7 was NOT the best RPG of its time.
FF7 is NOT the best Final Fantasy game,
But FF7 IS the best of the main numbered Final Fantasy game.
FF7 is better than FF10.
FF7 is better than FF1.
FF7 may even be better than FF6.
There you have it ladies and gentlemen, my opinion of FF7.
Until next time fellow pirates.
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